Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Where's H.G. Wells when you need him?

If at some point tomorrow you hear a sound akin to nails on a chalkboard, don't be alarmed. It's just me clinging to the remaining minutes of 2009 with all of the strength I can muster.

Were I equipped with a homemade cardboard sign and a blow horn, I would stand on the nearest street corner and protest the coming of 2010. Since I am not, I will sound off here.

Let the soapbox rant begin: I am not in favor of a new year.

"Not in favor" doesn't exactly do my current emotional status justice, "diametrically opposed" is a closer and yet still inadequate descriptor. I am quite happy with this year. In fact, I do not recall a year that elicited more of my favor than this current, beloved year. It has been so good to me! Blessing upon blessing, wonderful day upon wonderful day - this was a year with no equal. Now I am well aware that this was not of 2009's doing, but of God's (thank You, by the way), and His perfect plan may very well include a respectable 2010 to go along with an outstanding 2009. But if there is a 365 day trend in life that coincides with the year on the calendar, it's just common sense to not want to disrupt the flow and throw a whole new number scheme into the mix.

Also, I am notoriously not a fan of change. (One of two reasons why New Year's is my least favorite holiday. The other reason being I find it a tad discriminatory. I don't gather together with kith and kin on January 31st to usher in February with cheerful affection, so why all of the ruckus over December rolling into January? Answer me that and I'll start celebrating New Year's with more enthusiasm.) I absolutely loathe making the switch to writing a new year on everything I date. I'll be well into May before I am consistently dating everything correctly. Who wants that? Not I. Not the bank teller who has to remind me for the thousandth time that it is no longer 2009, either.

And let's not even talk about how 2010 ushers in a whole new decade. DECADE. Since when am I old enough to talk about life in terms of decades??? This soon-to-be-past decade was the wonderful collection of my teen years, high school and college, the glory of young adulthood. All good things. The prime time slot in the TV Guide of life. And all of a sudden, we are moving on to the next chapter in a new section? I am not done with this decade yet, thank you.

As a result of the above complaints, I have decided to rename 2010. Just for my own personal use, of course. I'm not going to petition the whole world to use my system - that would be a little much and I'm fairly certain there are few as reluctant (read: stubborn) as I am about this whole new year deal. Since I am so content with 2009, I would like this next year to be a sequel - a GOOD sequel, I'm talking Shrek 2 here, not 102 Dalmatians. So, henceforth, 2010 will be known to me as 2009: The Sequel.

Amen.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Christmas Weekend Finale: The Gift of Football

A trifecta of football perfection:

1. Won my office fantasy football league. This was a highly unexpected victory considering I lost five consecutive games early in the season. But everybody loves a good comeback, especially me. I am so pumped!!!

2. Packers clinched a wildcard spot. WE ARE IN THE PLAYOFFS BABY!!! Oh, it feels so good.

3. Urban Meyer is just taking a leave of absence, not resigning in full. Sigh of relief. This comes as a relief to the world of college football as a whole, not just Gator Nation. Urban Meyer is too good of a coach - and a man - to lose in the sport so soon, although I do hope he gets his heath completely in order before he comes back.

All in all, an excellent day for all things football. Woot.

Thursday, December 24, 2009

There's no place like home for the holidays

Mom: I'm thinking we'll have apple sauce as the vegetable tomorrow. I can't think of anything else.
Me: Do you like brussels sprouts?
Mom: EW. UGH. Wait...do YOU like brussels sprouts???
Me: Yes!
Mom: Who are you and what did you do with my daughter?
Me: I'd never ever had them before last week! My childhood was devoid of sprouts because you don't like them.
Mom: Who are you? Some veggie loving hippie?
Me: Yes. Clearly.
Mom: (throws her hands up and starts singing) Peace, love, and brussels sprouts!
Me: Ok then, apple sauce as the vegetable it is.
Mom: (Can't hear me because she's still laughing.)

Family, the true gift of Christmas.

(And apparently all of my posts have to be named after Christmas songs this week. I can't help it...I am a woman consumed by carols.)

(Also, I just found out that its "brussels sprouts" not "brussel sprouts." Who knew?)

Wednesday, December 23, 2009

I'll Have a Blue Christmas

This title is in reference not to my current state of emotions, but to the current state of my knees, which are going to turn blue for Christmas. Not from hypothermia, but from bruises. What's funny is that I could compile one of those school-picture-of-the-year frames with annual pictures of me besotted with bruises instead of yearbook pictures. I wish that there were a contest for the clumsiest walker in the world, because I would surely win, as evidenced by my face plant to the pavement last night while walking to my car.

No matter the color of my knees...I am on my way home for Christmas!!! Well not directly at this instant, clearly, but soon. As soon as I can pack and clean and make a few stops. Which are the very things I need to stop writing about and start doing at this very moment. Off I go. Merry Christmas!!!

Tuesday, December 22, 2009

Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night!

People, I am about to embark upon a blessed occasion: Christmas break. Good Christian Men Rejoice, I will be Rocking Around my Christmas Tree in less than 24 hours.

But before I go, I would like to share a Christmas List I look forward to every year: The New York Times Buzzword List. (I also look forward to the Webster's Word of the Year, and was deeply disappointed that "admonish" was the most looked-up word this year. Really, America? Really?) Personally, I think "aporkalypse" is my favorite, with "crash blossom" coming in a close second. Love it.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

An Open Letter to the NFL

Dear NFL,

Just wanted to let you know that ever since I checked tvguide.com last Monday and saw that the Packers/Steelers game would be televised right here in Rochester, I have been anxiously anticipating today's arrival. I planned my entire weekend around having this afternoon's 4:15pm - 7:30pm time slot free from activity or interruption. Turns out I could have planned some extra Christmas shopping, or a coffee date with a friend, or even a full-fledged circus, because you chose to air the EAGLES/NINERS game instead (and an entire Sunday of meaningless games, by the way. The circus really could have been an option.)

This, more than being cause for fury, is a quandary. Even if the Eagles game was remotely competitive (which, in fact, it was not), wouldn't it be more prudent to show the Steelers game in this area anyways since we are closer to Pittsburgh than we are to Philadelphia? Yes, yes it would. Additionally, it is not my fault that a blizzard hit the mid-Atlantic and the Philadelphians needed a few extra hours to shovel. Pre-arranged football schedules, like time, should wait for no man. And yet you allowed time to wait for the snow to be cleared in eastern PA. Those old adages are around for a reason, you know.

I'd also like to thank you for airing the final minute of the aforementioned snow-laden game so that I could bear witness to the action-packed sequence where Donovan McNabb takes a knee, the commentators thank everyone who has ever worked for FOX, and time expires. Be still my heart. It was also great of you to air a commercial after that and then to cut back to the Eagles celebration before finally deciding to show the final three minutes of a game you had promised to show in it's entirety.

Now don't get me wrong, I'm glad I got to see the final three minutes. Although they were agonizing and did not result in a favorable outcome, they were the type of final minutes that make football the blessed event that it is. My apartment morphed into an impassioned war-zone. In my defense, I'd like to say that my screams of frustration were partially due to the circumstances of the game and partially because I was only viewing the fleeting fourth quarter. Although I'm sure that neither excuse would appease my neighbors and their dinner guests, as I can only imagine that my enraged outcries were not the background noise they were hoping for.

In conclusion: a plea for better decision making. Just as it was a puzzling decision for Mike Tomlin to opt for an on-side kick early in the fourth quarter of a game in which he was winning, it was equally puzzling for you to opt for a lame game over a game that was basically the definition of all that is beloved about professional football.

Next time you are presented with a similar situation remember me and my tale of woe, and choose wisely.

Sincerely,

A Disgruntled Cheesehead

Thursday, December 17, 2009

The Night of Polar (Temperatures and) Opposites

So tonight I had the joy of experiencing two vastly different emotions within a 60 minute time period. First was the charming reception I encountered while calling a prospective student about her application. Conversation was as follows:

Me: Hi, is Shelly* available?
Parent: Who is this?
Me: My name is Beka and I am Shelly's admissions counselor at Roberts Wesleyan College.
Parent: (Puts hand over phone and yells) Shelly!
Shelly: What?
Parent: Phone.
Shelly: Who is it?
Parent: I don't know, some admissions counselor from some damn college.
Shelly: (Pained sigh of exasperation) Hello...

*Names have been changed to protect the ridiculous.

Nothing gives me that fulfilled, contented feeling about slaving away daily, nightly, and occasionally weekendly in the Office of Admissions like an open display of warmth and appreciation. Shocking, but it turns out Shelly does not want to attend Roberts Wesleyan College. Which begs the question: Why did you apply?

Little did I know that in a matter of minutes I would be crying. Not due to the pain of rejection, but in response to one of the funniest YouTube videos I have ever seen. (Bonus: I also discovered two new amazing blogs in the process; props to Snoodlings and Carpool Queen for making my day today and predictably many more days to come in the future.) Please stop whatever you are doing and read the following post/watch the YouTube video it contains. Trust me, you won't soon regret it:

http://snoodlings.com/2009/12/16/word-of-the-day-mondegreen/

Monday, December 7, 2009

With Love, from Martha

I was honestly excited to see that Martha Stewart was the author of the messages inside Dove's individually wrapped Christmas-edition chocolates this year. Usually the morsels are besotted by a nauseating anecdote - very spread your wings and fly - and I am not a fan. I'm all for the inspiration, but in thought-provoking, non-Hallmark-esque doses. Martha doesn't exactly strike me as a bleeding heart sort of gal, so I was anticipating her Dove quotes being better than the rest. I was not, however, anticipating this:

"Keep poinsettias out of drafty spaces."

Just a touch more emotion wouldn't have been overkill, Martha.

Wednesday, December 2, 2009

Thank you, Page 2, thank you.

With the return of 8:00 am arrivals to the office this morning (as opposed to the travel season grace period of 9:00 am), I needed a little something to buffer my resentment against the extra hour. As per always, Page 2 delivered. Thank you TMQ and Patrick Hruby for saving my bleary-eyed day.

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Let It Snow

I can't let this day pass without commenting on the near-miraculous snowfall this morning.

Anyone who has known me for longer than 5 minutes knows that I love snow more than just about anything (coffee, chocolate, and football notwithstanding). Last night I was hoping and wishing and praying that Rochester - located in the supposed Antarctic horror that is Western NY - would finally receive it's first snow. What better day for a first snow than the first of December???

I woke up this morning and peeked through my window out of habit, not expecting to find a veritable winter wonderland glistening in the early morning light. In The Night Before Christmas fashion, I jumped out of bed and tore through the house, jumping up and down ecstatically (approximate time: 6:50 am) at seeing the full effect of the first snow through my living room windows (much to the chagrin of my neighbors below, I'm sure). The window was instantly thrown open, coffee was made, a background soundtrack of Christmas music was played, and I pulled a chair right up to the window to sit and stare in contented awe.

If people really do have love languages, then mine is snow. Without a doubt.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

Tebow in Buffalo? Definitely cause for thanksgiving.

1 - HAPPY THANKSGIVING!!!

2 - Totally suggested that the Meyer/Tebow combo come to B-lo last week when they fired Jauron, and totally moving to Buffalo if it actually happens... http://www.timteblog.com/2009/11/tebow-draft-watch-jim-kelly-approves.html

(P.S. - this also happens to be my 15th post. Coincidence? I think not.)

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Christmastime is (almost) here

One month until Christmas, people. ONE MONTH!

And so as not to put the cart before the horse, let's not be hasty and forget about the horse of a holiday headed our way tomorrow: Thanksgiving. Any day whose purpose revolves around food and football gets a very good rating in my book. AND the opportunity to be openly enthusiastic about the many blessings in life...this day could not get any better if it tried (unless it was Christmas...there's just no topping December 25th).

Not the least of these many blessings is the fact that the much abhorred church bells outside of my apartment are still out of commission...the lack of noise pollution on a twice hourly basis is cause for an overjoyed attitude of gratitude.

Thank you Lord for the silent passing of the day, and for the innumerable blessings of every day, seen and unseen - all of which are far more significant than muted bells.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Wonderful.

Things that are wonderful (mostly about this weekend, mostly in chronological order):
  • New Moon. Yes...seriously. And as a secondary point, midnight premieres. Yes...seriously.
  • Days off, especially when those days fall on Fridays.
  • Friends. (As in the TV show in this instance, but also as in the relational entity. That bullet to follow.)
  • Magazines.
  • Barnes and Noble.
  • Simply Crepes.
  • Hurd Orchards (and along with that, homemade baked goods and dried flowers).
  • Pictures, and endless shades of colors.
  • Dark chocolate. Dark chocolate. Dark chocolate.
  • Italian (the language, which I really want to learn, just for fun).
  • Unhurried time with friends.
  • Hearing the right song at the right time, especially at church.
  • Wegmans.
  • Two consecutive wins. Go Pack Go.
  • Chocolate Chip Butterscotch Pecan Cookies.
  • Brisk walks in crisp autumn air.
  • Beauty that is so beautiful it hurts a little, in a good way.
  • Literature that elicits a response.
  • New music.
  • Weekends.
A thing that is not so wonderful: the nagging feeling that accompanies Sunday nights, the one that keeps poking you persistently, telling you that weekend freedom is fleeing. Sigh.

Monday, November 16, 2009

I wonder how many glasses of OJ would equal this much Vitamin C...

Thanks to a couple hearty doses of Airborne, I consumed 3,334% of my daily allotment of Vitamin C today.

It's good to know that I'm covered in the Vitamin C department until about 2010.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Morning Diversion: Page 2 Power Rankings

Hardy: Page 2 Power Rankings (Nov. 9)

Found this morsel of entertainment while ignoring my yoga DVD this morning. I bought the Biggest Loser DVD expecting an invigorating yoga session with Bob, the positive, life-affirming contingent of the show's trainer duo. What I received was all-out boot camp with a little yoga thrown in, a certifiably unacceptable activity to perform before birds start chirping for the day. So instead of groaning alongside the agonized contestants in Warrior 2, I did my usual morning website circuit...and rejoined them during the cool down.

Monday, November 9, 2009

Water Filtration Calendar

I hadn't thought about how quickly this year has gone by until I reached into my pantry for a new Brita filter tonight and realized it was the last of my one year supply. I remember standing in Target last January thinking I was getting an excellent deal because the bulk box of filters would last me a whole year which is basically forever...and here it is almost a year later already and it hardly feels like basically forever. It's funny how something so trite can conceptualize the all too swift passing of time.

On a less philosophical note, I love new filter days (I know it's lame...but it's the truth).

Sunday, November 8, 2009

Really...Really???

Speechless:

Freeman leads winless Bucs past Pack in first pro start

And to think I was sure last week would be the low point of the season. Nope. Wrong. This is worse.

Four Random Thoughts

Random thoughts for the weekend:

1. It is unbelievably good to be in my own apartment, making my own coffee, hearing my own squirrels burrowing into the roof...
2. I am usually a strict no-Christmas-before-Thanksgiving person, but I am all about the holiday season right now. I bought Christmas stamps at the Post Office, an advent calendar at Hallmark, Christmas lights at Target...it's November 8th and apparently Christmastime is here.
3. Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer was absolutely amazing - beautiful, insightful, true. I can't say enough about it, and nothing I could say would do it justice.
4. Throwback jerseys in the NFL are out of control...the Bucs look like padded creamsicles. If they beat us today it will be more shameful to be beaten by a team in pastels than a team without a win.

And with that, I'm off to enjoy this unseasonably beautiful November day.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

You Wouldn't Think a Day Could Be This Pathetic Before Noon...

Sometimes I wish I were the type of mild-mannered Christian woman who faces some sort of adversity and says, "Well that's just a blessing in disguise!" or "I'm so thankful for this unexpected opportunity for spiritual growth." But let's be honest...I have a better chance of making the Olympic Curling team than I do of that ever happening. That being said, here is my beef with this day in chronological order:

First of all, it's the fifth, and fives are notorious for hating me. I don't know what I did to upset them, but it's clear that we are not on good terms. So this day was pretty much doomed as soon as the clock struck twelve. Which is also when I went to bed because I was watching the World Series, and also the reason why I was none too pleased when my alarm went off a mere 6 hours later. Leaving my hotel for the day before 7:00 am doesn't exactly foster sentiments of contentment and joy, but what better way to rectify that than a steaming cup of coffee from the Promised Land? Imagine my dismay when I plugged Starbucks into my GPS and found not one near my current location, current route, or destination. Still attempting to befriend this day, I decided that I would just get coffee anywhere along the way; so long as I could be caffeinated this day and I could start amiably. Imagine my horror at driving all the way to my first high school visit without passing a single establishment willing to sell me a cup of coffee. Time: 7:45 am. Not a good start, Thursday, not a good start.

I plow on. I walk into my first visit feeling like my eyes have been tethered shut and my brain has been submerged in cement. The decaffeinated world has such a blurry, underwater quality to it at 8:00 am. However, I was quickly snapped into awareness at learning that I was scheduled as the Chapel speaker of that day. For the entire high school, about 150 kids. Imagine my surprise at finding out this juicy morsel of knowledge. Now on most days I would be able to take this in stride and run with it. However, on the second to last day of two months of travel with no coffee and zero tolerance for surprises, striding was out of the question. After taking in my befuddled expression the teacher who informed me of the duty I was about to perform asked, "Oh, did you not know about that?" Yes, I always look like I'm about to be hit by an oncoming bus when I'm fully prepared for an event.

So, much to my chagrin and everyone else's, I spoke in Chapel. Time: 8:30 am. Thursday was really on a roll at this point.

The first thing I do when I get into my car is type Starbucks into my GPS, knowing it is the only entity which will save this day from it's quickly approaching demise. I found one 9 miles away from the school I was leaving, and it was only 5 miles from the school I was going to. The sun shone a little brighter, the birds sang a little sweeter, and I took back a few of the more nasty thoughts I had directed toward Thursday.

Imagine my all-consuming rage when I find out that my demonic GPS has brought me to a rest stop on the thruway which, although is geographically only 5 miles from my next location, is actually 35 MILES away due to lack of appropriate exits and roadways leading to the school. Time: 9:00 am. At this point the sound of the impassioned screams emanating from my car could be heard state-wide.

The Starbucks in hand assuaged some of my wrath, although more and more crept back in with every additional mile I drove. Imagine my need for antidepressants as I pull into the parking lot of the school and find it to be, "Home of the VIKINGS!" Of course. Time: 10:00 am.

Being an Admissions Counselor at a college fair guarantees a variety and quality of conversation unfathomable to the rest of the sane world. I've been asked some interesting questions before, but this one is probably up there on the list of All Time Bests. After speaking with a student at length about our criminal justice major, he begins to gather brochures from the table. I ask, "Have you ever heard of Roberts before?" Imagine my mind shutting down in an act of self-preservation upon hearing his response, "What's Roberts?" Time: 11:00 am.

And, last but not least, imagine my total complacency at finding out that the college fair was raffling off Starbucks and Barnes and Noble giftcards to the admissions counselors, and I missed the memo about entering the drawing. It went so well with the theme of the day that I didn't even flinch. Time: 12:00 pm.

This day and I are officially done. In my head, it's already the 6th.

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Ugh.

Packers lose to Judas and the Vikings, again.

A very small (and by small I mean nearly imperceptible) consolation prize: I won my first fantasy football game in 5 weeks.

But still...ugh.

D-Day

A short shout-out before the apocalypse begins, courtesy of my facebook status and indicative of my current emotions:

"Beka Watts thinks that if she were a better person, she would go the Tim Tebow route and inscribe Ephesians 4:32 in her eye black today for the Packers/Vikings game. Since she's not, she would probably go with Isaiah 33:1 instead."

Saturday, October 31, 2009

Halloween Poverty

In other news, because I haven't been grocery shopping in about 2 months, I never picked up any candy for Halloween. Not that I imagine a deluge of trick-or-treaters will be flooding my apartment building, which looks like we've gone all out to make it look haunted for the big day (but in actuality, it's just sporting it's usual disrepair, which would get a creepy-quality-control score of 10 every other day of the year as well). The brave hoodlums who do stop by will hit the jackpot in return for their stair-climbing efforts, to the tune of their choice of 6 flavors (9 boxes) of Pop Tarts.

Thank you, Mom, for sending me off with a box of Pop Tarts every time I come home, therefore stocking my shelves for breakfast for the next year or so, and providing a make-shift holiday give-away.

For the Love of the Game(s)

Let's just skim through the notable nationally televised sports options for the weekend:

  • Florida/Georgia
  • Notre Dame/Washington
  • USC/Oregon
  • Games 3 and 4 of the Series
  • NYC Marathon
  • Eagles/Giants
  • Packers/Vikings...

It's a veritable cornucopia of athletics...and I will be shutting myself in my apartment for the next 48 hours to enjoy every minute of it.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

College Fair Quote of the Day

At a college fair in Albany, NY...

Student: "Where's this at?"
Me: "We are in Rochester, NY."
Student: "Where's that?"
Me: "It's about 4 hours west of here."
Student: "Oh, so like, near Massachusetts?"

A very close second would be the student who stopped filling out the information card and looked up at me, bewildered, to ask, "What's a GPA?"

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Good News and Comfort Food

Over the past month I have been consistently led to locations that are said to exist, but in fact do not. The erroneous hand that guides me is my GPS, a seemingly innocent device that is actually the harbinger of all the world's evil forces. There are no expressions of hatred strong enough to adequately describe how much I loathe my GPS and it's purple line of deception. Telling a sleep-deprived nomad that "Nanette's Nook," a supposed establishment that sounds replete with lattes and warm cinnamon buns, is just 2.6 miles Northwest of her current location and then delivering a "Mike's Mechanic's and Stuff" is cruel and unusual punishment of the highest degree.

Today, after two lackluster high school visits and the unfulfilled promise of three local eateries, I decided to embrace independent exploration and took off to search for lunch on foot, sans GPS (which will forevermore be known to me as Gadget Plundering my Sanity). My first stop was a local deli. Barely two seconds (literally) after I walked in I was assaulted with, "So are you sitting down or not?" I managed to mumble a polite sentence along the lines of not. Next stop was a pizza shop, but the smells coming from the kitchen did not smell like pizza, so I decided it did not smell like lunch, either. About-face #2. Back on the street I passed tattoo parlors, gift shops, and many an obscure town business. My search was beginning to seem fruitless and I had the slightest twinge of empathy for my GPS. I started to head back to my car, defeated, when I saw a sign for a bakery. PERFECTION.

Upon walking through the doors of the bakery I was not accosted by hostess nor fragrance, but was instead greeted by the scent of breads: invitingly sweet, delectable breads. The woman behind the counter welcomed me enthusiastically and suggested three menu items she thought I would enjoy before I even had the chance to say hello. Together we decided on the pulled pork sandwich with a side of freshly cut apples. She ushered me to a table with, "Oh now you go right ahead and sit down wherever you please and I will bring your lunch out in a giffy." I could have cried. The kindness of strangers really can reduce a starved admissions counselor to tears.

When she came back with my lunch in hand she commented on how beautiful the apple was, all streaked through with pinks and reds on the inside, and that sealed the deal on this woman being my heaven-sent messenger of joy. As she was standing there I kept thinking over that verse in the bible - How beautiful are the feet of those who bring good news.

Indeed. Good news and comfort food.