Deflated desserts and rank-breaking rodents

These are Smores Cupcakes, but you can refer to them as Bane Of My Existence Cakes:

This was taken right after they came out of the oven, and in approximately 60 seconds they collapsed from the inside out. We're talking completely hollowed out. I would have taken a picture, but I was too busy throwing a fit. (Turns out a hole in the middle of a cupcake is the perfect place for a marshmallow. Problem solved.)

This is a squirrel, but you can refer to him as Legion (for they are many).

 

The squirrels of Monroe County have decided that my roof is the prime location for them and all of their friends and family to congregate for the winter. Usually we keep our amicable distance, but today they crossed some irreversible lines and we are not on good terms. The first line: I got out of the shower this morning to find a squirrel screeching at the top of its lungs because it's head was stuck in the rafter. Nothing says good morning like a screaming squirrel. Line two: pictured above. Too close for comfort. Line three: as I was taking round two of B.O.M.E. cakes out of the oven I heard scratching. And then it got louder. And it was coming from my cupboards. And come to find out, the oversized rodents were trying to come inside through a crack in my ceiling. Irreversible line crossing. Squirrels of Monroe County: it's on.

Life on Orchard Street. Never a dull moment.

All the Ladies Say: Word

As I was looking through old emails yesterday, I found this forward from a friend. No need to strap me to a chair in a darkened room with a single lightbulb dangling from the ceiling...I'll just go ahead and confess: this is absolutely true! And I'm pretty sure all the women out there will agree. But what can we say? They don't call it comfort food for nothing.

The Coping Diet

Breakfast
1 grapefruit
1 slice whole wheat toast
1 cup skim milk

Lunch
1 small portion lean, steamed chicken
1 cup spinach
1 cup herbal tea
1 Hershey's kiss

Afternoon Snack
The rest of the Hershey kisses in the bag
1 tub of Hagen-Daaz ice cream with chocolate chips

Dinner
4 glasses of wine (red or white)
2 loaves garlic bread
1 family size supreme pizza
3 Snickers Bars

Late Night Snack
1 whole Sarah Lee cheesecake (eaten directly from the freezer)

Holy Rosemary Rolls

If you need something good to happen today, make these Buttered Rosemary Rolls:

Made by none other than the Pioneer Woman herself (and me, last night), these rolls will positively impact your day...and your life. And they couldn't be easier to make. I'm already planning on going home during my lunch break today to warm up the rest of the rolls (read: the two that I didn't devour last night) and watch it snow. I'll be about two steps from heaven on cloud 1,009.

Hey Everybody

I realize that this commercial is extremely overplayed, but I crack up every single time I see it. I don't know if it's when the tongue comes out or the dancing starts, but somewhere in there I just lose it. And therefore, it goes on the "Things That Made Me Laugh Out Loud" list. Enjoy.

Be careful what you (don't) wish for

A surefire way to do something is to announce that you will never do it. Inevitably, life will bring you directly to the thing, and will probably laugh at you as you are in the midst of it.

Case in point:

Senior year of high school: "I am not going to Roberts Wesleyan College."
September 2004: Enrolled as a freshman at Roberts Wesleyan College.

Entire college career: "I will never be an admissions counselor."
August 2008: Began employment as an admissions counselor.

Last day of high school gym: "I will never run another day in my life."
January 25th, 2010: Registered for my first half-marathon, which will be run on my birthday.

Now I'm not sure if it's the relentless stubborn drive in me that hears these negative proclamations and decides to show them a thing or two or if it's just some messed up form of backwards karma or if it's God telling me not get ahead of him, but no matter the cause the results never vary.

And I've certainly learned my lesson, seeing as how I just paid a hefty registration fee to be allowed to run for miles on end in the early morning hours of my birthday. If pain and exhaustion at sunrise doesn't say birthday party, I don't know what does.

Another day saved by cupcakes

Today I decided to make one of my favorite things in the entire world: apple cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. 

Because sometimes, the only thing that will take the sting out of a long week is a cupcake. Or three.

Don't judge.

Well that's new.

So, this was a first:

1. Walked out of grocery store and found car.
2. Got in and put bags on passenger seat.
3. Put key in the ignition and turned...nothing.
4. Flipped the key around (still not sure why I thought that would change anything) and tried again...nothing.

My first instinct was to groan at the thought that my car was dead. An occurrence far from a first. My second instinct was to realize that the smokey smell, the leather portfolio on the passenger seat, the white labels behind the speedometer were all traits that are not descriptive of my car.

Yep. In someone else's identical white car. Two cars down from mine.

My overactive imagination had just enough time to picture the car's owner irately pounding on the window and me being taken away by police escort before I jumped out and into my real car.

A first, and a new low. Wow.